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JOTD (Joke of the day) post your shit here!


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|DRC| SLIM






Monday, March 19 2007, 20:32:50 #39713     


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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:13:28 #41251     


A woman successfully gives birth after several hours of labor. The doctor takes the baby and leaves the room to perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms and then suddenly begins to punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against an adjacent wall. The woman screams, "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!" To which the doctor replies, "April Fool's! It was already dead!"
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:13:41 #41252     


A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:14:46 #41253     


A surgeon is taking a class of trainees to see a cadaver for the first time. He tells them that it's really important that they familiarise themselves with the corpse, so he says "Do exactly as I do"

He then sticks his finger into the dead guys anus, pulls it out and sucks on it. Then he lines up the students and says "Now your turn."

Obediently, one by one, grimacing as they do, they all in turn, put their fingers in the guys ass and then suck on them.

Once they all complete the task, the surgeon says "It's also important that you learn to be observant. I put my ring finger in his ass and my index finger in my mouth"
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:15:02 #41254     


A pedophile was out walking in the woods when he spots a little girl sitting on a rock sobbing.

What's the matter? asked the pedophile.

I lost my mom, my dog ran away and now I'm lost too! said the girl.

Oh boy, and that's not really the worst part unzipping sound
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:15:20 #41255     


A pedophile manages to talk a boy he sees into talking a walk with him. They walk, and talk, and walk and laugh and soon it's getting dark.

Mister? It's getting dark, and I'm getting scared!

You're getting scared? What about me? I have to walk all the way home alone!
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:16:16 #41256     


Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

A: I don't have sex with a watermelon before I eat it.


/sorry for pedo jokes, but they are funny
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:16:39 #41257     


Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:16:59 #41258     


Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:17:20 #41259     


What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:17:39 #41260     


A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he stabs her & nicks her purse.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:18:21 #41261     


Why can't Mexican high schoolers take drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? Too much work for the donkey.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:19:03 #41262     


A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?"
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:19:24 #41263     


What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall?

He breaks his nose.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:19:39 #41264     


Whats a Jew's worst dilemma?

Free Ham.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:20:44 #41265     


My grandfather died in Auschwitz:

He fell out of the guard tower.

------------------------------------

I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!"

"Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?"

"See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:21:18 #41266     


When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:21:40 #41267     


My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:22:01 #41268     


Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, 'fuck off it'll be too painful.'"
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:22:33 #41269     


A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:25:50 #41270     


My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:26:26 #41271     


Q: How can you tell when your sister is on her period?

A: Your dad's dick tastes funny.


-------------------

A redneck is sitting on his Laz-E-Boy, watching the game, when his daughter comes in and asks if she can borrow the car. The redneck says, "Well, I guess...but you gotta do something for me in return. Either you can suck my cock or let me fuck you in the ass."

The daughter thinks about it for a minute, but finally decides she'd rather give a blowjob. She gets on her knees and unzips his pants, puts her mouth on his member and gags, "Ugh, this tastes like shit!"

The redneck smiles and says, "Oh yeah, I forgot, Billy already borrowed the car today."
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:27:21 #41272     


A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the fuck off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train."

The mother went nuts and told her son, We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours and think about what you've done.

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today. She hears the little boy continue, For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat.

As the mother began to smile, the child added, For those of you pissed about the two hour delay, please see the cunt in the kitchen!
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:27:57 #41273     


How does every Black joke start? By looking over your shoulder!
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:28:14 #41274     


Q: What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

A: Not being retarded.
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|DRC| Wartex






Saturday, January 24 2009, 13:28:39 #41275     


I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
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|DRC| Death






Sunday, January 25 2009, 07:58:08 #41276     


|DRC| Wartex wrote:
What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall?

He breaks his nose.


these are genius but that one is my fav ROFL
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|DRC| Wartex






Wednesday, January 28 2009, 08:31:29 #41277     


How did Helen Keller lose her virginity? Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
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|DRC| Death






Thursday, January 29 2009, 14:27:45 #41279     


|DRC| Wartex wrote:
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity? Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL


OMG I nearly wet myself ROFL
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|DRC| Death






Friday, April 24 2009, 07:58:42 #41513     


The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multisyllablic words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children for examples of words with more than one syllable.


"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?" she asks.


After some thought Jane proudly replies: "Monday."


"Great, Jane," the teacher says. "That has two syllables, Mon... day. Does anyone know another word?"


Johnny from the back of the room yells: "I do! I do!"


Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "Okay Mike, what is your word?" she asks.


"Saturday," says Mike.


"Great, that has three syllables," she says.


Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says, "I know a four-syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"


Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says: "OK, Johnny, what is your four-syllable word?"


Johnny proudly says, "Mas... tur... ba... tion."


Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says: "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."


"No Ma'am, your thinking of "blowjob," and that's only two syllables."
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|DRC| psycheus






Monday, May 4 2009, 10:34:15 #41702     


Wow, some of these jokes are just wrong.. lol
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Saturday, May 16 2009, 05:25:08 #41837     


|DRC| psycheus wrote:
Wow, some of these jokes are just wrong.. lol


Ya.. no fucking kidding.

lets get a black comedian in here to tell a few white jokes to make me feel better. Very happy
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