DRC Forum » General Discussion » Absolute Random Insanity » JOTD (Joke of the day) post your shit here! » Page 2 of 6

[|DRC| Death]

|DRC| Wang wrote:

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Um...I believe that's kinda the idea behind this thread. Instead of suggesting that someone track you down just go ahead and post a couple...

Alright

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Angus
Angus who?
Angus me coat up


Knock Knock
Who's There?
Luke
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you'll see

See what I mean?

[Sponsored Ad]

[|DRC| Wang]

....ok, I guess you could keep those to yourself. Tell you what, we'll go ahead and send you a pm to get some more of those gems from now on


While we're talking about horrible jokes here's one:

What do you call a cross between a chicken and a telephone pole?

A 20 foot tall cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
_________________
I see Honesty and Greed fighting with lightsabers. Honesty is decapitated, and Greed takes a steamy piss on the dead body. -Wartex Maul 3:16-

[|DRC| Wartex]

http://gnaa.us
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[|DRC| Iceman]

|DRC| Wartex wrote:

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http://gnaa.us

Click on the "Contact Us" button and you get this...

http://www.gnaa.us/contact.phtml

[|DRC| Iceman]

Actually, even better........click on the "Members" button.

P.S. Everyone should except for Death.

[|DRC| Wartex]

Just emailed that to wireless.communications@nd.convergys.com

|DRC| Wartex wrote:

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GNAA leverages core skillsets and world-class team synergy through sodomy to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge Internet-enabled e-business application product suite e-solution architectures that accelerate response to customer and real-world market demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infrastructure, enhancing the e-readiness capabilities of their e-commerce production environments across the enterprise while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the next level.

[|DRC| Iceman]

I hoped you used proxy when you did that! Awesome!

[|DRC| Wartex]

I got a better idea. I will send the Members link to the floor. Javascript is enabled, and about 50% of machines have sound enabled too. Imagine that.

[|DRC| Iceman]

|DRC| Wartex wrote:

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I got a better idea. I will send the Members link to the floor. Javascript is enabled, and about 50% of machines have sound enabled too. Imagine that.

If I see that show up in my AWS inbox I promise I will lmfao!!! haha Actually, I don't think I would get it because I'm no longer on the aws distribution list.

I guarentee it would be the talk of the center though!

[|DRC| Death]

P.S. Everyone should except for Death.

I was curious when I seen this and actually did click on members. It scared the living crap out of me!

What the hell was all that about?

At first I thought I'd been infected with spyware!

[|DRC| Iceman]

FYI Death...........When I say not to do something ......that usually means that you "shouldn't" do it ...........unless I put "Just Kidding" at the end of it.

[|DRC| Blackshark]

i LOVE that one
http://www.maxxx-flash.de/funfunfun_endoftheworld.php

[HAL9000]

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.
A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very trul! y yours,
Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your Butt and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
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46 and 2

[Mykro]

_________________

[|DRC| Iceman]

|DRC| Blackshark wrote:

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i LOVE that one
http://www.maxxx-flash.de/funfunfun_endoftheworld.php

sharky that is sooo old. I've seen this flash cartoon months ago. A little behind in the times ya think

[|DRC| Blackshark]

iceman has this replay something to do with GOOGLE EARTH

[|DRC| Iceman]

|DRC| Blackshark wrote:

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iceman has this replay something to do with GOOGLE EARTH

Good guess

[|DRC| SLIM]

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women,
chief amonst which is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the 9 reasons for reincarnation. The other 8 are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former U.S. First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor ......)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in mens' magazines because men think: 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give here a house."
Rod Stewart

[Mykro]

Ok, here's one I heard not too long ago.

A young indian man, about 24, hasn't had sex yet. So he decides to go to a local "house of horizontal refreshment" if you will. Walks in the door, up to the counter. Explains the situation to the woman working the desk. "Have you had any sort of sexual encounter at all?" she asks him. Sadly, he hasn't. She instructs him to leave and get some practice first, find a tree or something to practice on. So he leaves, comes back a couple weeks later, and tells the woman that he's all practiced up, and ready for action! She sets him up with a room, and a girl, and things get underway. He gets undressed, and as she's getting undressed, she bends over to take off her shoes, and he pulls out a 2x4 and rails her across the ass with it. "What the fuck are you doing?!!" she screams at him.

"Oh, just checking for bees."

[|DRC| Iceman]

I would have said ....Im scaring away the crabs!

[Mykro]

That works too =P

[|DRC| SLIM]

A joke for your stoner friend.

Q: Why can't you smoke weed in Iraq?

A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!

[|DRC| Iceman]

|DRC| SLIM wrote:

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A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!

peace has a different meaning for everyone. In their country cutting peoples heads off could be their version of peace. We may think they are neanderthals but who are we to tell another country how to live?

Wait.......they have oil so we will dictate how they live!

[|DRC| SLIM]

Ya, but you got the joke right?

piece as in a device for smoking, not peace.

[|DRC| Iceman]

I thought you made a typo to be honest

[CornBread]

Language Barriers

[|DRC| Wartex]

Iceman rminds me of Peter in family guy.

[|DRC| Iceman]

|DRC| Wartex wrote:

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Iceman rminds me of Peter in family guy.

[Anonymous]

Q. What do you call a flying burger?
A. Hamburger Plain

[|DRC| SLIM]

So, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap, and the psychiatrist says: "I can clearly see you're nuts".

[|DRC| Iceman]

Leave it to SLIM to come up with something like that

[|DRC| SLIM]

I wish I could claim it as my own.