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[Photek]

A schoolboy, a priest, Saddam Hussien, Sean Connery and a doctor are on a plane. The engines begin to fail and the pilot orders the passengers to take a parachute each and jump. The pilot opens the locker and takes the first 'chute. He jumps out, pulls the chord and down he goes.

The doctor says: "I need to help save lives, I'll jump" He takes a 'chute and goes.

Connery says: "My fans need me, I'll go" He too, takes a 'chute and jumps.

Saddam Hussein says: "I must protect my country from infidels! I shall jump!" He too, takes a 'chute and jumps.

There are two people left, the preist and the schoolboy.

"You take the last parachute, I'll take my chances with the plane" says the priest.
"No father", the boy says "There are still two parachutes left, Saddam Hussein took my schoolbag".
_________________
In reallife I'm a perfectly sane person, I just like to make a fool out of myself to get some unwanted attention to get rid of.

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[|DRC| Wartex]

Man walked out of the bar. He suddenly felt a hard hit in the back of his head. He turned around. There was asphalt.
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[Photek]

AHHAHAHAH

[Anonymous]

My apologies (in advance) for scrolling the post, but I wanted you to see this as I received it. Side note: I answered it correctly!

<quote>
Read this question, come up with an answer, and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. All the information you need is provided in the four sentences below. No one I know has gotten it right, including me.


A woman, while at the funeral of her mother, met this guy whom she did not know.

She thought the guy was amazing, her dream man!

She fell in love with him instantly, but never asked for his phone number and could not find him after the funeral.

A few days later she killed her sister.


Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? Give this some thought before you answer, then scroll down for the actual answer.

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Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.


If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.

This was a test an American psychologist used to test if someone has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you - you're normal. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my email list, unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.
<end quote>

[Anonymous]

Skullz you normal retard you got the answer wrong...

who the fuck kills their sister so they can buy a phone what was I thinking

[|DRC| Syntax]

Lame joke warning!:

How do you get Micheal Jackson to admit to molesting young boys?









-Make sure to mention him going to Juvi in the plea bargain.
_________________
The truth only hurts the weak minded.

[Photek]

HAHAHAHAHA that was fucking hilarious!

[|DRC| Syntax]

nice

[Photek]

A man is having a leak against a wall.

A cop sees it, walks towards the man, and says:

"Mister, that is against the law!"

-"Nope it ain't, it's against a WALL."

[|DRC| SLIM]

nerd valentine

ROSES ARE #FF0000
VIOLETS ARE #0000FF
ALL MY BASE
ARE BELONG TO YOU

[|DRC| Wartex]

ROSES ARE #FF0000
VIOLETS ARE #0000FF
HOW ABOUT
YOU S T F U

[Anonymous]

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

1. We keep our last name.

2. The garage is all ours.

3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

4. Chocolate is just another snack.

5. We can be president.

6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.

8. The world is our urinal.

9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

10. Same work, more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.

13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.

14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.

16. One mood, ALL the time.

17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

18. We know stuff about tanks.

19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

20. We can open all our own jars.

21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.

23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

24. Everything on our face stays its original color.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

27. We almost never have strap problems in public

28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.

29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.

30. We don't have to shave below our neck.

31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.

32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.

34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Things to do with your AOL Disks.


At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.

Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).

Give them to young children play with.

Room dividers for hamsters.

Drink coasters.

Ice scraper.

Bathroom tile.

Air hockey puck.

Dog chew toy.

Pooper scooper.

Grill scraper.

Destroy them - smash, burn, or run over to relieve stress.

Light switch cover.

Chinese throwing stars.

Halloween treat.

Firewood.

Paper weights.

Incense burners (put stick in hole of disk hub and light the incense).

Put them on car windshields at the mall.

Hand them out as party favors.

House insulation.

Grind them up to make fake snow.

Hood ornament.

Give them as stocking stuffers.

Use them as elbow and knee pads.

Use them to decorate your aquarium and create Comp USA underwater.

Baby mobile. Fence (may need a few thousand).

[Anonymous]

75 Fun Ways To Order A Pizza

1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

12. Stutter on the letter "p."

13. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.

14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

15. Change your accent every three seconds.

16. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.

19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

20. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" See how they respond.

21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

22. Imitate the order taker's voice.

23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"

26. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

28. Eliminate verbs from your speech.

29. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.

30. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.

31. Ask to see a menu.

32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

33. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

34. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.

35. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.

36. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.

37. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

38. Psychoanalyze the order taker.

39. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.

40. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."

41. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

42. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

43. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

44. Try to talk while drinking something.

45. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

46. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

47. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.

48. Be vague in your order.

49. Use CB lingo where applicable.

50. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.

51. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.

52. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

53. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.

55. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

56. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.

57. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.

58. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.

59. Put them on hold.

60. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.

61. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."

62. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.

63. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

64. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."

65. Haggle.

66. Order a one-inch pizza.

67. Order term life insurance.

68. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

69. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

70. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.

71. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."

72. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.

73. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.

74. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.

75. Order a steamed pizza.

[Photek]

Riddle for y'all:

A boat's tied to a jetty. Over the side of the boat is a rope-ladder with six rungs. The last rung is a foot from the surface of the water. The other rungs are 10 inches apart each.

If the water in the harbour rises 5 inches every 10 minutes due to the incoming tide, after half an hour, how many of the rungs of the ladder will be under-water?

[Anonymous]

Didn't Wartex answer the same question when he said the boat rises with the tide...

[Photek]

Oh, it's already been posted??

[Anonymous]